he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
