you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
