stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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