when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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