I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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