how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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