I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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