btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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