just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
