Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
