Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
