Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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