Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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