Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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