the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
