I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
