remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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