I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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