well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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