Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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