bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
