Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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