I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
