we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he was CRYING into my vagina
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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