he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
