His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
