took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
