This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
operation have a gay friend backfired
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
