it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm always down for nudity.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
