yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
