I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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