It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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