highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
send nudes
from the living room?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
