I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
