I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
