My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
