Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
