she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize