Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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