Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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