Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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