you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
