I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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