Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
