By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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