TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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