The maid of honor just puked.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
