The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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