Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
