an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
