i was born a porn star she said
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
