i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
