i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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