I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
