Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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