normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
