that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the condom got lost in my hair
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize