So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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