Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
