I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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