I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
