I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
