im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
