the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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