he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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