She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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