Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
this will be a night to untag.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
