How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
