Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
