Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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