I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
